Crazy Bear

So, for Christmas my main gift from my boyfriend was a stay at the Crazy Bear, Stadhampton (Oxford). It couldn't have come at a better time than after being away from him for 5 days! It was a place I had always wanted to go and didn't disappoint, I am already trying to convince we need a second visit.

We made our way up there Monday morning as we had decided to pay Bicester Village a visit, but unfortunately no purchases were made, a clear sign that my constant shopping seriously needs to stop! We did, however, have a beautiful lunch at the Farmshop, it looked so good that I had to take a picture of it (obvs) and it tasted even better than it looked. I enjoyed avocado and poached eggs on sourdough toast, which is possibly my most favorite thing in the world to eat, whilst G enjoyed a scotch ducks egg that look amazing! To follow we both had spit roasted chicken with coleslaw, garlic alioli and for me it was honey roasted root veg. Just thinking about it now is making me hungry...

Food babies in tow, we made our way to the hotel, to be presented with a double decker bus which was in fact, the hotel reception (they didn't lie when they called it Crazy) we couldn't check in until 3pm which gave us some time to chill out in the bar, A glass of champagne on arrival was tossed into my hand and of course I was not going to say no! Our room was beautiful and cosy, red velvet walls, a big fluffy bed and more champagne on ice. But being the party animals that we are, we relaxed in our room (obviously doing far too many face swaps on snapchat!) and enjoyed champagne in our bathrobes.

There are 2 restaurant to choose from, English & Thai, naturally we opted for the Thai which was a 12 plate tasting menu! All of which was super delicious;

CRISPY SEAWEED

STEAMED EDAMAME

SHRIMP CRACKERS

WAGYU BEEF TARTAR

MODERN STYLE SEABASS SASHIMI

ROASTED MANDARIN CHERRY VALLEY DUCK

HONEY ROASTED LOIN OF GLOUCESTERSHIRE OLD SPOT PORK

CRISPY BELLY OF GLOUCESTERSHIRE OLD SPOT PORK

LOBSTER PAD THAI NOODLES

WOK FRIED AUBERGINE

STEAMED JASMINE RICE

CHILLI AND VALRHONA CHOCOLATE TORTE

My personal favorites had to be the duck, pad thai, aubergine and of course the dessert! I didn't get any great pictures due to lighting.

We then spent the rest of our evening in the bar drinking strawberry daiquiris. Breakfast was continental and of course they had home made granola (wasn't quite a morning crunch but was still delish) G ordered the Full English followed by the words 'when in rome!'

Our stay was short and sweet but like I said before I am already planning our next visit, this time I would like to try the Beaconsfield location. I must say, despite being the least romantic man in Britain, or even the world, I enjoyed every minute of our stay at Crazy Bear, I don't think he realises just how much I enjoy his company (CRINGE!)

Zara Haul

The quote above defines my life, I really am a self confessed shopaholic. So, as if 5 days in NYC shopping was not enough, what did I do when I got back? Shopping with my Mama! After being apart for 5 days I was having serious Mum withdrawals so we took a trip to Westfield and had some quality time. I am starting a new job in 2 weeks time (a post will follow!) and I thought what better excuse could I have to go out and get some new trend. So first stop was Primark, the place where I end up buying everything than what I actually needed in the first place. I ended up with smart black trousers, a blouse, khaki roll neck LOTS of pretty gym wear and my new most prized possession, Reese's Peanut Buttercup PJs!

But my main point of call was of course, Zara, my all time favorite! However, the first item on my list was not work attire but actually a mustard yellow leather jacket that I fell in love with when I was in the States, it wasn't a matter of wanting it, I needed it. So, now March has arrived, it has made me even more excited for Spring!

£39.99

£25.99

£29.99

£39.99

£29.99

A very successful shopping trip indeed!

Empire State of Mind

So, I have recently come back from 5 days in my favorite city, New York! My best friend and I went for a girly trip of sights and shops plus lot's and I mean lot's of food!
This has been my third time visiting the Big Apple and it really doesn't fail to exceed all expectations. We stayed on W 53rd St, 7th Avenue, a 7 minute walk from Central Park and a 7 minute walk from Times Square, right in the middle of everything!

After what seemed like the most eventful flight in the world. we arrived in brilliant sunshine although we were expecting arctic temperatures! So our first point of call had to be none other than Times Square where we took a shameless amount of selfies, if anyone were to be playing Spot the Tourist we would have stood out like a sore thumb! Seeing Lou's face made it extra special, as she was just in awe of everything going on around us! Next stop the Empire State Building. Despite this being my second visit to the Empire State, it was just as breathtaking as the first and the clear blue skies made it extra special. It was after this that the first league of shopping commenced Macy's, Victoria Secret etc. Our first night dinner was none other than TGI Fridays, it had to be done when you were staying on the same avenue as Americas largest one! After this we paid a visit to the 230th Fifth Bar where we enjoyed Hot Chocolates with Vanilla Vodka. All in all we were up 25 hours before we made our way back to our hotel, how did we manage it?! It just goes to show what shopping, sights and a vanilla vodka can do!

Our second day we went on to visit Woodbury Common which is a designer shopping outlet, another recommendation of mine! We got endless amounts of bargains and shopped until we dropped (I must add that the shopping did not stop when we got back to 7th Avenue). We also went for dinner at the Brooklyn Diner where I was presented with a monster chicken pot pie which I must say was absolutely delish!

Wednesday was by far the WETTEST day I have ever experience, by this I mean, we were soaked through to our skin! But did we let it stop our sight seeing? Of course not!
After a brief visit to Grand Central and a breakfast of french toast at the amazing Penelope's (Lexington Ave) we had to take at least one obligatory trip in a yellow taxi down to Soho and then ventured towards Ground Zero, which is the most moving place I have ever experience, you cannot put into words your feelings and your outlook on life once you visit and see what's inside. It puts like into perspective and makes you appreciate the saying 'live each day like it is your last'. We made it to the Statue of Liberty before the rain began again and finished off with even more shopping in Century 21. Dinner was at the famous Carmines Italian family restaurant.

Penelope's French Toast

Thursday came and was dry-ish today was a more relaxed day Central Park was on our agenda along with Bloomingdales along with every other shop we laid our eyes on! However, first up was breakfast at Sarabeth's Central Park South, this was a place I had seen on a blog myself and knew it was our sort of place! We go there before it opened to be presented with a queue of people which made it even more exciting. We both enjoyed a Morning Crunch granola bowl, which could possibly have been one of the nicest things I have EVER eaten. Those who know me, know I have a granola obsession! Our night finished with MORE food at Ellen's Stardust Diner, typical diner food and all of the staff are on or trying to be on Broadway, the atmosphere was insane!

Sarabeth's Morning Crunch

Friday came far too early, this trip felt like a lifetime away when we booked it and it was more than I could have ever asked for. We spent the whole time in crying with laughter and most importantly having quality time together! After spending everyday together at school, then college, when we eventually had to admit defeat and become grown ups with jobs and boyfriends, we found it very hard to adjust, my best friend is practically my sister! We obviously had to pay another visit to Sarabeth's where this time I had a Garden Omelette (not to everyone's taste I know!) and Louise had bacon eggs Benedict a delicacy which I think I must be the only person in the world that doesn't like it! We visited Carlos' Bakery and done our final bits of shopping before doing Top of the Rock in the meantime we did have our Times Square debut, where the camera came on us and we were on the big screens for all the world to see, the excitement in our faces as we photobombed a large group of tourists was utterly priceless. Top of the Rock was something I didn't do before andonce again, the weather was PERFECT and the views were to die for, on our next visit (yes, we are already planning it!) we would like to visit Top of the Rock at night! It was then time to make our way back to the airport where went spent our time reminiscing over a pretzel!

I know there is noting worse than looking at someones holiday photos and hearing every single detail but it really is the concrete jungle where dreams are made of and if you haven't already, you need to!

Anxiety and Me

As mentioned in my previous post, I am a long term sufferer of anxiety and depression and although iIwas bullied at school, my anxiety only kicked in when I was about 17.
My anxiety was something that started with excessive worrying and claustrophobia which ended up growing and spiraling completely out of control. This past year I have learnt to be open and honest about anxiety and depression as I feel it is something that is not spoken about half as much as it should be. I am often told I am the last person people would expect to suffer with anxiety and I was just as surprised how many are in the same boat as me.
The lowest point of my anxiety journey was in 2015 after exiting a relationship full of mental and emotional abuse I had lost over 2 stone in weight and had non-existent self esteem. The cycle of constant worry was worse than it had ever been and then I was worrying about worrying (if that is even possible).

My eating habits and gym routine became a huge part of my anxiety and I would be full of self hate every time I came into contact with a mirror. You cannot see anxiety, it's not like a broken arm or a common cold where people can tell you to get well soon. Some days I would wake up and just cry, cry and cry some more and when faced with the question 'what's the matter?' the only words that fit my feelings exactly were 'I don't know' which then leads to endless amounts of questions. How could I not know people would say and that was it, I just didn't know. I would question everything, I am healthy, I have a good family, a job, wonderful friends, the list went on and on and how wonderful my little life was, but why wasn't it enough? There are people in this world who have been and are going through a lot more than me, how selfish could I get? Then guilt would set in, the guilt of feeling like this, the guilt of putting my family and friends through this and then the cycle would continue.

I have always been a worrier, it's in my make up (I am most definitely my mother's daughter where worry is concern) and I am ALWAYS apologizing when half the time I haven't done anything wrong.
I worry about everyone and everything and analyse every situation I am ever faced with over and over again, sometimes I feel like I need constant reassurance that it's okay, what it is, I don't know, but I just have to know that whatever it is, it's okay.

One day it all became too much and I literally begged the doctor to help me, sitting in the doctors surgery still in my PJ's and being asked 'so what's the problem?' I will never forget the tears pouring down my cheeks and my response 'help me, I need help' I felt so hopeless, talking to this stranger telling her every little thought and feeling I have, each minute of every day. But nothing could have been more comforting than what would follow, 'Do you know how many people I see about this every day? At least 6.' 6 people, each day, feeling exactly the same way as me. I would never wish anxiety on anybody, but to hear that I wasn't alone, there are other people suffering and fighting the same way I do, reassured me that I am normal.

Sometimes I worry (see, I told you) that I bring people down, my family, my friends, my boyfriend, I worry that what if I am pushing them away, what if I am the friend no one wants to be around? I know this is all in my head, but it makes you question everything. My main point of guilt was my Mum, my beautiful Mum, every morning the routine would be the same I would be crying and telling her I just didn't know what was wrong, each day the amount of text messages that I send to her is off the scale and it wasn't until more recently, seeing my Mum look so helpless, all she wants to do is help but there is nothing she can do for me, that broke my heart. It made me think I cannot cure myself but I need to try.

It has been a long and winding road and after counselling, tablets and endless doctors appointments (not to mention the tears and snot)  things have improved, some days are good and some days are bad, but you cope. You learn that you have to control the anxiety and not let it control you. It may be a part of you but it doesn't define who you are.

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain

So, it begins...

The idea of creating this blog sounded so easy in my head, then when faced with this initial post my mind was nothing other than blank! I am so eager to get started but feel like a major cringe at the same time, whoever said blogging was easy?! I am clearly no Zoella...
Firstly, I am 22 years old and have a passion for all things fashion, food and beauty. I have been itching to create a blog for such a long time and have always pushed it to the bottom of my to-do list but after a recent trip away with my BFF I was told it was something I MUST do and I will not object that she often knows whats best for me better than I do! As a long term sufferer of anxiety and depression I felt like I needed an escape route and what better way to start? Showcasing everything I love, along with my thoughts, feelings and what could be considered to some as random crap!

Bare with me...